Spur of the moment

Been meaning to write for awhile now.

Things have remained busier than expected since school finished up last week. The whole idea of moving is somewhat stressful, although we're blessed to be able to stay with my parents until we figure something out. It's tough not being able to have a place to call your own, to not have a place to acknowledge as "home." I know that when we find a house to purchase it will be the right place and it will be something that we have earned and saved for which will make it all worth it. I know that whatever we end up with will be something that we can maintain and afford and be able to have margin in our life because when its all said and done- this baby means everything and I want Tina to be able to stay at home raising our children. I don't want to be so lost into attempting to afford something that we can't afford- Faith, and Family matter more than stuff and material gain and I'm not will to negate Faith and Family for anything.

Something strange has been happening to me. I've lost interest in many things that used to draw my interest and at first I thought that it was due to finances tightening up. Yet now I'm believing it to be something of a fast that I'm going through. My desire for buying "stuff" has literally dried up, and the things that I have I want to get rid of. I haven't gone to the comic store in 5 weeks (which is incredibly unusual for me... I would make special trips weekly to the comic book shop) I have adopted this desire to sell all my old toys, etc. I just feel like all "my stuff" is either a distraction or just not worth it. I'm just going through a change, and I can't really figure out what that change means yet.

I've also been doing quite a bit of praying lately (well especially since the news of the pregnancy) I have every fiber of who I am tied up into this pregnancy, every ounce of Faith and I appreciate all those around us who have also prayed for us and will continue to pray for us- thank you! My praying has been an ongoing, all day sort of conversation with God. I feel that we must always come to God anywhere and anyway we can so I seek to do that in store rooms, in my car, on the road and at home. I have begun praying for God to open doors and to slap other doors shut. This is usually in regards to ministry opportunities and the hope that I have in the possibility of a new job in the future. Please do not get me wrong- I'm so blessed to be working and to have insurance and all that comes with full time pay... yet I'm so eager to get my hands and feet dirty with ministry opportunities and to be working within my passion place. It is in my understanding that it may take a drastic move by God for me to finally "get it" regarding what it is and where it is that He would have me serve. In understanding this I sometimes become a little upset because I know that the adjustment could be quite difficult to handle. If God wants to make a point, He will and it doesn't always happen in ways that we can fully understand at first (or if ever)

I just know that I'm supposed to be doing something different with my life right now (regarding profession) and it's "the getting there" that is tiresome. The waiting is difficult to, because I truly believe that I'm being called to something and it has been more than once that I have experienced visions, or have had some sort of confirmation from others around me concerning future dealings that I'll be made a part of. My work has treated me well, and surely I have had my differences with things there- its just that I'm ready to move on, I'm ready to connect with who God would have me be- now that I've been initially equipped with schooling.

So enough of my rant... lol- I just felt that I needed to share some of the current happenings as of late.

There is a conference at the end of May that Tina and I have been invited to and I would really like to be able to go- hopefully there will be an opening at work where I will be allowed to take off some time. Tina has been going strong with the pregnancy- God is so Good, and he truly provides and connects with us in prayer. To know that our God is bigger than sin, sickness, disease, and death helps encourage Faith and pushes us to get closer to Him. I've been reading "the Divine Conspiracy"- this is a book that I bought a couple years back, after having read that it served as a catalyst for many of my favorite and most influential Pastors, theologians in their beginning stages of seeking God and a worldview structure to go along with their lives- I knew that I had to buy this book and read it cover to cover. I started to sometime ago and then got distracted probably from the 200 hundred other books I have had to read for school over the past 2 years. Well I just back into it and it is completely fleshing out my entire thought process, re-engaging me into the learning experience and helping me seek a more in depth view of God and the Word.

I wrote this earlier while at work in the last few minutes before my lunch break finished up...

"For Bible believing Christians we believe in the concept of truth. We believe that God and his Word is truth. So then we must also address those things outside of scripture that have been found to be true to also be from God. We must also then believe that Jesus meant everything He said, we do not have to move around what some may consider to be "iffy" issues nor do we have to use specialized language to "be more" clever. We can if we understand the context from which Jesus spoke from, if we understand the history, the systems of thought, of life and philosophy of those around Him- then we can better understand and therefore live by His words.

It is in understanding that Jesus' words are Gods words that we both become enchanted and overwhelmed. We must take in His words with respect to their complexity and yet also their simplicity. We must continue to learn, engage, pray and listen."

Go in Peace,
Lance

Die and Live

The last few days have been really solid. Well probably better than the expression "solid"

School is down to 3 classes left til the summer- tonight, Tuesday and Thursday and the work is piling up! I'm very excited for the spring and summer and all of the opportunities coming up! I guess I will take a minute or two to review the past couple days...

Monday was Monday... (was Monday the last day I wrote a blog?... hmm too lazy to look)

Tuesday I was off of work, and Tina and I went to our first meeting with our mid-wife. The experience was incredible- everytime I think about this pregnancy and about being a Daddy... I feel things come alive inside. The excitement, anticipation and just the indescribable potential of this little life that God has blessed Tina and I with is beyond words. The very fact that God would see me as a Father and would bless us as He has... is just incredible and for the most part words truly can not describe how I'm feeling. It is with some things in life that words can not express the depths of emotion- and even for myself... this is one of the moments.

Sometimes its best to say things with less. (which I'm working on)

I look at these appointments as mini vacations where we get to go and see and hear about the greatest achievement that Tina and I have created together. I can't wait for the heartbeat, I can't wait to know boy or girl... I just can't wait.

I can't wait to play with this child.
To love on this child.
To teach and show this child Jesus.
To hear from this child about his or her relationship with God (for he or she knew God before he or she knew us)
To answer the tough questions.
To just be there... and to be "there" with him or her.

Again really at a loss for words.

Tuesday night came... and class was excellent- I have thoroughly enjoyed this course... even if it has felt short. I missed a class because I was not feeling good, and then the professor cancelled a class- so in an 8 week course- 6 weeks feels incredibly short.

The professor which I have quite a bit in common with told me at the end of class that he really enjoyed my writing style. He went onto say some very encouraging things about my writing... So that was really encouraging and he essentially left with saying "for whatever that's worth- just keep on writing... you are onto something good there" It meant a lot to hear this, because I'm typically very tough on myself and although I've heard encouragement before- to hear it from a professor and not to mention a professor that's releasing a book of his own this summer... well it felt pretty good!

(end of my rant)

Wednesday came... and I met with Pastor Dave for our weekly coffee break. To know that he really enjoys spending a couple hours each week with me- and that he views it as "something really good" excites me (how many times am I going to be excited here...lol) but really I also enjoy our conversations. Yesterday he essentially put a couple different projects in my head for this summer, and these couple things could definately lead to future ministry potential. Which being that I'm very passionate and ready to move into whatever God is calling on me for- well lets just say it's becoming increasingly difficult to stay focused at work. My mind is wrapped around so many different things right now, and with everything Tina and I went through last year- this year is shaping up to be truly blessed and (I believe) be a break through year for a variety of things in our marriage. Our first child, job opportunities, and moving into my last year of schooling til I receive my bachelors.

I've been thinking (and have mentioned this for sometime...lol) about writing a book. Now I'm not thinking anything of a "published" nature-but just something this summer that I write for my own sake. Something that just shows that I can stay disciplined to putting together a book- not a 300 page novel by any means. I'm just going to outline a project and write chapter by chapter without looking back. I'm very much a believer in 24/7 Christianity... and I want to write for the young adult, the struggling teen and the burned out forty-something yr. old Christian. Hopefully taking the basics of Faith and bringing them into todays context. What does it look like to pray without repetition? What does it mean to worship beyond a four-walled church, while at work, at home, in the car? I want to challenge the precepts of consumor Christianity. My true aspirations fall on cultivating and encouraging a world-view amongst youth, and about fostering a Faith with Christ that is beyond exterior motives but internal change. How do you challenge the world and the systems that are in place with our teens, with our college students? How do you tap into a world where everyday kids are met with who do you hang with, what do you wear, who have you slept with, what things are you taking?

These thoughts are encouraging to me- and the best part yet... I'm still seeking the answers and it would be my hope that I eventually figure this out alongside others who are just as passionate.

I'm ready to be a Daddy. I'm always working on being a better husband. I desperately want to get into ministry, into my sweet spot where I can exercise my God-given gifts. My day to day is built around a lot of other individuals motives, and the bulk of work is centered around superficial relationships- humans are relational creatures and when you become aware of this and you realize the system that you have been sold into... well it should cause you as a Christian to exclaim "I've already been bought and paid in full for by Jesus so please take your system away from me"

- This means something... this can shake the foundations of man-made systems and I'm ready for the quake.

So that's that. Not a lot left to say (well I would if I could but school is calling me...ugh)

- Peace be with You.

Lance

Worldview 101: the cross and the call

What to write....what to write?

I feel as if I need to put my thoughts down- but there swirling all over the place.

This weekend went really well- Easter Sunday was awesome... from church service to spending time with family I didn't want the day to end. I was able to get in some time with my brother, and I haven't had one on one time with him for awhile. We talked ministry, about his wedding, about church, work and a variety of other things. I'm truly blessed to be surrounded by so many great individuals from my wife (of course!) to my siblings, my brother-in-law and his wife, to our parents, to friends and church family. I'm feeling this momentum building in mine and Tina's lives and it started a few months back with starting out at SoulQuest and then with things evolving with this new pregnancy.

I have a lot on my mind and I'll try to put it down here...

A couple weeks left of school- four class periods left to go. Other than Life of Freedom classes (in May-June) I was going to attend some classes this summer but Tina and I decided to take things slow this summer and allow for God's plan to take hold. I hope that this means that I will be able to become more involved with SoulQuest- its difficult being so passionate about something and not having an opportunity to utilize or make known the things that you've learned and being able to get your feet wet with experience. I still have so much to learn but I honestly feel that the bulk of my learning will come through engaging and teaching others. I hope to spend quite a bit more time in the Bible over the summer, and I've been scouring the market for a solid Bible dictionary for exegesis.

I wish this entry was a bit more organic in nature- but I think it will instead be all over the place. I think this means that I need to get on here more often and write on particular subjects instead of waiting til my mind is racing with a million and one things. From thinking about the concept of what it means to "do church," to the possibility of writing a book, moving in the near future to a new residency, work and all the stuff going on there, putting together a Bible study in the future, and the excitement of becoming a parent and all the things that Tina and I are looking to do differently from most people with our children.

Life takes on a different form when you start to look at life from the perspective that the physical nature of man and the spiritual side of things act as one. There is no separation between the physical and spiritual- when we realize that the stuff we do, the things we say and the thoughts we conger up have significance...well this leads to a higher order of life and puts significance in our daily happenings as having divine recollection to God. It is in my day to day moments at work that I realize the bulk of humanities problems- I consistently interact with individuals who have very little to say about why they do what they do or if any of "it" matters. I'm nearly obsessed with finding out what makes people tick, I want to better understand society, social structures, the frame work of how and why people attempt to play "god" in their own lives and the increase in adhering to traditions. After all these years (which I make sound like "a lot" of years... and it most certainly hasn't been) I've had some very powerful things happen in my life to lead me to God- I've also always had a thing or two for A) heightened level of empathy B) an issue with how things are consistently done, and this understanding that there must be more to "living" than what most live by.

I've attempted to be quite a few things in my life but every time I come back to this desire to preach, teach and lead others to God. For this I've encountered friends, family, and co-workers into some awkward conversations... I've had people change their entire approach to me because of hearing that I'm looking to become a minister or that I'm attending Bible school. So many individuals (and for good reason) have this preconceived notion of what it means to be entering ministry. They start to label you religious, they may or may not put on a front and in the end you may lose the connection that you have always had with that individual. With going to school for ministry- doesn't mean that I'm on the fast track to becoming a Pastor, I could become a ton of other things (if God would will it) I could become a youth pastor, teaching pastor, associate pastor, I could teach Bible classes, write books and hold conferences, etc.

Who am I to suggest that I have any idea about what God is going to do?
Its sometimes nice to just enjoy the mystery of God.

For instance... here is something that I've been really having a hard time with...

Easter bunnies and Toy giving fat men. To quote Tina...
"Easter is becoming Christmas and Christmas is becoming Crazy"
How true!
Tina and I have come to grips with the fact that with our children we're not going to celebrate Santa or the Easter bunny and with mentioning this I'm probably going to get a lot of flack. From those that don't understand there going to suggest that Tina and I are raising our kids to be "little adults" and what's the matter with having a little imaginative fun with kids, etc.
If you know me personally- you would know that I'm pretty imaginative and as a Dad I will have A TON of fun with my children. It's just that I don't think it needs to be found through lying to my children. And lying is exactly what your doing when you promote the concept of something that doesn't exist for "fun." I want my kids to grow up understanding the reality behind why we celebrate Easter and Christmas and I want them to be bigger givers than takers. I will allow my kids to take part in the "fun things" of Christmas and Easter- they will be able to take pictures with Santa and color eggs, etc (if they want to).. but they will do these things with knowing that it's imaginative and not "the reason" why we celebrate. I want them to understand that we are already blessed and that we must bless others. So many people today go "I just don't know what to get them, they have everything" Can nobody see the issue with this? An expectation has been created that if I don't give my children "everything" I'm neglecting them and they may not think I love them. This is such a lie and has lead to parents working 60 hour weeks to afford stuff for their kids whereas what there kids truly want are their parents to be around more often.

xbox360 or time with Dad? Powerwheel or storytime with Mom?

I have a lot of strong opinions about things that I've also researched. So many people do things because that's the way others do it, or how their family has always done it. Yet just because something has always been done this way or that way does not make it right. I'm perfectly okay with each family doing what they feel they need to do... but I think people should question more often why they do what they do. Seek second opinions and believe that God does provide and engage his children with answers.

So many individuals take what they believe about something because they saw a movie or read "a book." People have "concrete" opinions about things they know very little about. It is in this train of thought that I must ask- "are you willing to bet your life on what you believe?"

To take from Pastor Dave- (I also) do not serve a deaf, mute God (and I'll add) or a powerless God. No my God, my Jesus listens, talks and empowers his people.

I have quite a bit to say about the abuse of medicine. About finances. About God. About Business ethics. About leadership. About Jesus. About relationships. About Spirit Healing. About Church. About life and love. About family and the dynamics of parent and child.

I'm not an expert in anything but I poke, prod and test things out. I try my best to make decisions not based on what necessarily feels comfortable or easy but on what I believe to be right (and this is after I've "poked and prodded" for awhile) and of course consulted scripture and weighed out the differences. You see the bulk of my studies involve not just seeking out my side of the argument but in analyzing the other side of the argument- I believe that it is imperative to know both sides of the argument if you are ever to be convincing to someone who thinks differently from you.

What am I worried about with scripture? I'm not worried about what my poking and prodding might do. I go to the word with honesty, integrity, respect, and open mind. I ask for the Holy Spirit to help lead my thoughts and my eyes across each word and in the end- I know that I can poke, and prod because I'm not going to fall out of touch with what's being said. The word is true and if its true then I will have no issues with engaging the text at a deeper level.

I believe that there is no question that I could ask God that would cause him to stir in his seat. "Oh... why did he have to ask that" "Oh... Lance... let me think on that one for a few days" No of course not... and for somethings I may not find the answer and at the end of the day- I don't have to have all the answers because I'm not meant to know all the answers. He's God and I'm man. He's infinite and I'm finite. Case closed.

It's with this understanding that I have come to accept that apologetics seems futile. This whole "art" of defending the Faith- we come to the battle as if we're A. Losing. and B. That God NEEDS us to fight for Him. Sure it's fun stuff to watch youtube video's of Christopher Hitchens VS Doug Wilson, or any other theologian. Yet in the end I most often find myself laughing at the fact that two men believe that they have "figured" out God and have him cornered off. It's crazy... but interesting none the less.

So as Christians we come at apologetics with feeling as if we need to "explain" everything. What kind of life is that? How can you ever find rest if your entire life is built around defending something day in and day out. How can you enjoy the life that God has blessed you with if all you do is spend countless hours stressing whether or not someone is going to tear down your protective religious walls if you fumble up your words just once.

Yet for the atheist. How do you explain away creation in full? How do you explain away the human body and it's complicated design, How do explain away 500+ individuals seeing Jesus after the cross? How do we explain miracles not only then- but NOW? People coming back from the dead, Cancer and AIDS being lifted off of individuals, Lives being healed and families becoming whole again.

A marriage being healed through tragedy. A woman with a womb needing healing. A man dealing with things "mastering" him, that same woman with blood level issues, 9 months of waiting.

A womb healed. A man conquering life with the Spirit. Blood levels becoming "fixed" nearly over night. A menstrual cycle restarted by God.

A pregnancy and a healthy one at that.

Tell me that God does not exist... and I will point at my own life and prove you wrong.


Explain that away? Tell me that the Christian way is the wrong way and I will show you where it has worked and worked better than any other means of conquering that this world has ever seen. The Christian way is the only way of Faith that represents a non-violent approach- to truly know what this means would put in question why warfare is never the answer. Yeah I've said it- warfare... the way of the sword- Roman Peace through Victory is never the answer. Guns, Bullets, Bombs and strategic warfare have no place in Kingdom life. I'm not suggesting that its easy to explain away- but I'm willing to admit that there is always "another" way.

We just tend to look at everything from "our" own perspective.
Which is a perspective that has us on top- oh you know... dominating others.

Because don't you know that everyone wants to be a democracy? How dare us.

(Boy this is sounding anti-patriotic... well perhaps it is- I guess I'm more pro-Jesus.)

In attempting to understand the concept of the church for 2009- we must look at why the church ever came to be.

Early Church = Men and Women desiring to continue the Way of Jesus in community with one another, a community built on relationship and family oriented living. Sharing of gifts, talents and supplies. They had a dependence on God, on teachings, on growing and they had established leaders. They were persecuted and through persecution they persevered- they were the oppressed and the impoverished.

Think about it.

Today = The Church may just come across as the privileged, as a Sunday morning thing (just a Sunday morning thing) filled with structured programs and systems of thought, congregants that have secular and church jobs. The American church stands alongside its empirical roots of established US might and control. No longer are we the oppressed and or the impoverished.

It's tough to understand a Jesus that went against the super powers of his day while living in a super power today. (paraphrased from Jesus wants to save Christians)

This is why I believe its important to teach children about giving and the power behind blessing others. We are in the midst of a recession and people continue to act as if something hasn't happened. There spending behaviors have not changed- it is the definition of insanity when people continue doing the same things and expecting a different results.

Keep spending and at some point... saving might just happen. Hmm..

Spend more money to make more money.
OKAY.
Taking from a negative amount gives a negative amount.
Basic Math.

Back to the Church...

I'm not suggesting that we should go about becoming desolate by any means. Not at all... God is not seeking for any one person to not be successful or to consciously degrade themselves. God just wants us to not put our stuff first then Him second. I've said it before... it's all about agenda and about being intentional.

So how do we do Church today?

We continue to remember about our roots.
We become aware of how broken we were, and how lost we were, and how hopeless we were and we show our wounds, our compass and our Jesus to them. Where the government has stepped in and taken control of things that were traditionally held as Church domain things... we take back.
We lead the way with Jesus at the head.

How long will it be before the government fully takes over weddings? funerals? Elderly care? (oh wait isn't this Hospice?)
I mean really... it is at the Church where the needy becomes fed. Where the lost become known. Where the unloved become loved. The untouched become recognized. The sick are healed. The power and constructs of society are exploited and dethroned by His name.

Christianity is not just a t-shirt or a country club. Church is not just a Sunday thing. Once you are transformed, once you have a relationship with the Divine... there is no looking back, only growth and passion for what He is doing.

Have I done a good job at covering a dozen different subjects? lol

I sometimes have an issue with how people claim to be one thing but act as another. I've heard it all before that I'm just "more serious" about my Faith. I'm a warrior whereas some people will just be simpler in their beliefs. Some will act 24/7 and others just on Sundays.

Sorry but tell me where this is in scripture?

My goal is definately not to come across as self righteous... as I have dozen vices and things in my own life that God's working on. Yet we must become aware of what we do, what we enjoy, how we act and what we say.

These things matter.
It does matter if you call yourself Christian and you play Grand Theft Auto. It matters.

I'm not saying that seeing a bloody movie will negate Faith. God is bigger than what you watched on Saturday night at the movie theater. But we must become aware of what Grace means- and what forgiveness entails. His Grace is abundant but not cheap. His forgiveness is vast but not without sacrifice.

Think about it.

This doesn't mean that you just surround yourself with "Cultural Christianity" either... claiming all that is good because all that is true, and real and alive is Gods.

As the Church- we must lead the way. We must take the instruments that have been used by the secular world and infuse the mission of the Church into them.

Youtube? yep. Myspace? yep. Facebook? yep. Twitter? yep. Kroger grocery aisle? yep. The break room at work? Yep.

Get it? Got it? God is Good.

My thoughts are flooded each and every day as to what it means to dialogue with God? What does it mean to pray?

Your driving by a man limping down the road. Pray.
You confront the depressed cashier at the supermarket. Pray.
You just saw a car accident. Pray
Your driving for 40 minutes and God just wants to hear from you. Turn down the I-Pod and express to God what you are feeling. God most certainly wants to talk to you as well. Turn down the I-pod and turn off your voice.

Listen. Talk. Pray. Worship.

Engage in relationship and grow in Faith.
Put the power of God out there... because God will never Fail.

So we must be aware of agenda's and we must become assertive with being intentional. Why you may ask...

Be intentional... because you must be.

The world will not stop for a second for you to "figure things out" Trust me I've been there and I've done that.

The world does not care at all about your marriage, about your personal life, your study with scripture and or relationship with God.

The world does not wait, so you must be intentional.

Sounds pretty down and out, eh?

No I'm just being realistic... and heres the good news.

Sure the world will not wait, sure we must be intentional and we must seek structure for our relationships to flourish.

I'm not done yet... once more...

The world does not wait- but we don't have to worry about the world. Because we believe in the One who overcame the world. What does the world have to say to those that know the creator of it? Nothing new, nothing original, nothing life threatning.

It means everything.

We believe as Christians in the resurrection. We believe that dead people walk and eat and live and teach and love us. We believe that one man in particular claimed to be God and proved it through dominating sin and death and breaking into the world through flesh and spirit. Together as one.

That's it for now... I should go to bed. Sorry for being all over the place. Really excited for tomorrow Tina and I have our first meeting with our mid-wife. Praise the Lord, Thank you God for this pregnancy and for being the author of life and the conqueror over death.

- Peace be with You,
Lance

Easter Bunnies and Passion Places

Yesterday was the last day of my online class and it felt good to finally finish that course. For my last assignment in the course I had to write up a manuscript for a funeral and for a sermon. Overall I felt that the funeral went well, and that I put quite a bit of effort into writing the sermon (which was on Mark 5) Without having ever put together a sermon before I never really knew how much work went into one, and the different approaches that could be used. I see myself in the future desiring to go the school route of exegetical studies... I enjoy both the "detective" aspects of piecing together a sermon and the creative end of connecting Biblical material with the context of today.

While writing my first sermon I truly felt in my " sweet spot," I was doing something that I felt like I could do the rest of my life. What a cool feeling when you find something that you love and your passionate about.

Work was tough yesterday, and I'm not really looking forward to work today... its just been incredibly busy because of Easter. Whatever happened to the days when kids would get a coloring book and candy, now kids get power wheels, video game systems, a few games, entire carts of stuff. Another Christian holiday that has been lost to consumerism, and the way people act? People become so nasty this time of year, you sometimes feel like just asking "Do you even know why you celebrate Easter?"

From the way people spend money... I would like to suggest that I'm pretty sure that the recession is nearly not as bad as reported. That or people are feeling it but they are "unable" or not willing to change spending behaviors. Parents have set the bar so high for their children and their expectations that love is tied down to material gain. This is a problem... especially when money is not as amply available.

Enough about work.

The pregnancy has been coming along well. I'm still at a loss for words for this little miracle... I'm just so thrilled for this baby and blessed with what God is doing and has already started.

Anyway I got to get ready for work... perhaps I'll write something more later. My thoughts have been centered around the Church of today, and what we need to do differently in order to be more like the Church that Jesus intended. (or some would say that he didn't intend)

- Peace be with You,
Lance

Odds and Ends

Taking a break from school work.

Today was the first day that Tina truly felt heavy pregnancy symptoms kicking in... what a blessing and yet for her I'm sure it's a love-hate type of thing. Of course its good to be reminded but can't the reminder not be so exhausting? lol

Work has been hectic, it's the week before Easter and people have been acting quite crazy. On top of this we are also going to stay busy through out the whole month of April due to some "visits" happening at work. Although I went on vacation in February, I may be needing another vacation by the end of this month. I would just like some time away...

I've been thinking a lot lately about this baby and who he or she is going to end up becoming. How awesome is it that I have a say on how an individual is going to turn out? I'm going to be (well Tina and I) we're going to be responsible for this child's physical, spiritual, mental, emotional and communal well-being and growth... just knowing that is incredibly crazy! (but crazy in a good way of course) I would be happy with either a boy or a girl... I'm just eager to know more about this child and for time to continue moving ( just want to be beyond the 1st tri-mester)

It's when I start to really think about how much energy, prayer, meditation, hope and love that I have for this baby, I realize that no child can ever know how much their parents love them without having children themselves. Just to think that so many children grow up with self hate, and so many teens are lost to suicide and if only these kids were loved, or shown the love that they deserve. When I think about how much I love, and am willing to invest in this little miracle that I haven't even met yet- well it astounds me.

I'm becoming impatient with still having a few weeks of school left... I just want to be finished for the summer. Knowing that I still have 3 weeks, but that these 3 weeks consist of a huge paper, a presentation, a couple other papers and an exam... I'm a little thrown off. lol
I'm thinking that this summer will be filled with ripe opportunity and I'm not even sure what that means but that it will be mixed with new experiences, exciting moments, and spiritual growth.

This summer I would like to put a couple projects together- I'd like to write a short book, nothing incredibly in depth but just to show that I can be disciplined enough to piece something together. I'd like to work on a variety of projects with the church, and also come up with a second form of income for Tina and I.

Well that's about it for now... just wanted to rant for a little while.

- Peace be with You.
Lance

Be Real.

God has truly been working miracles in my marriage and in this pregnancy. I'm excited about the future, and I've come to realize that our prayers do matter and what we say and how we act must connect. Tina and I have recently receive great news about her being pregnant and about the possibility of seeing a mid-wife as we intended last year.

Ever since the news of the pregnancy... life has seemed to take on a new status, and what I mean by this is that the small stuff, the work stuff doesn't affect me as it used to. I'm starting to live with an understanding that just about all things are expendable... except for my Faith, my marriage and this child. That if we are to truly live we must live with both wisdom and reliance. Life is a risk, and living out risks creates opportunity and potential. Of course we must assume responsibility when taking risks and seek God in prayer and hold counsel with those in our community... and yet we must risk or suffer becoming stagnant and part of a system that wants nothing to do with God.

I have 3 weeks of school left, and I'm truly revved up for this spring and summer. When you are involved in what Gods doing, your life and everyone in it take on a new flavor and feel. In my understanding of things... Words matter and prayer matters. What we say and who we say it to can spell out life and can just as easily lead to death. In our culture today words have become watered down, we seek to look around and above and beyond what is said to us.

I love you - may just not mean that exactly.
I miss you - may just mean something altogether different.
I'm pregnant -can bring out a million different emotions, some close and some far from one another.
I will - this can mean everything and nothing all at the same time.

Words have weight, and power and conviction. Words bring about presidents and rulers. Words bring about hope, courage and anticipation for something amazing and yet words can bring about doom, fear, tragedy and death.

If we say one thing and do another- we face become liars.

If we say one thing and our actions resemble something different - we are 1. absolutely human
and 2. already liars.

As a Christian, as a child of God... I believe that what I say matters. I believe in speaking to the source of all creation. I believe that as a finite being I can speak to the infinite. I believe that as a flesh and body individual I can speak to a personal, all consuming power. I'm in love with the idea that I'm a child still learning to walk, that I have a Father who continues to teach, lead and love me through out all of my falls and bruised knees.

So if I tell you that my God, my Jesus lives, and reigns and has defeated sin and death.

I mean it. Because my words matter.

If I tell you that my God, my Jesus provides, heals and sustains lives and completes pregnancies.

I mean that to. Because I'm willing to bet that you will call me out on my words.

Do I understand that things can go wrong?
Of course because I've lived in this world for 26 years.

Do I believe that things are different with Jesus?
Yes. I absolutely believe things are different with Jesus. My life is different now, not because I do not sin, or suffer, or fall into tragedy... no my life is different now because I know who to lean on and grow from. I have very little to say about tragedy, because I'm immersed in hope, and love, and life.

God is Good and yet is he able to be trusted?

Absolutely.

God is Good, he is solid, and loving, and encouraging, and believable, and passionate, and a creator, and sustainer, and Father, and Lord, and friend, and more than able to accommodate for my inadequacies.

I believe in this pregnancy, because I believe in my Faith. Yet my Faith is only believable because it is Christs Faith and not my own.

Words matter, and so do prayers. Be organic, talk with God and converse with Him anywhere and everywhere. Pray, scream, cry, grow, live and love.

Be romantic, but be real.

Peace be with You.
- Lance

-Thank you Father for this child, thank you Lord that we can dependant on you. I speak life into this baby, I speak life into my wife and this babies mother. Lord we commit our lives to you, and Father we pray for sustained life, for blood flow, organ growth and health in the powerful name of Jesus. We claim these things in Jesus name and through the Holy Spirit we pray.
Amen.

Belief

I'm a little out of my element... I haven't really had decent time to write, and I write most effectively in the morning so its been tough with my schedule. With it being 11 o'clock at night I'll try my best though... because I really have something that I would like to throw out there.

If your just getting to know me, then you must have figured out by now (either by the name of this blog or any previous blog posted here) I have a great interest in God, and in Faith, and in what it means to live a life that resembles that of Jesus Christ. The past year or so has been an incredibly tough time in my Faith walk, dare I say that its been an incredibly tough time for my wife, for my family, for my marriage. Yet God always hears the cries of his children, God always answers those that cry out for Him.

Here we are months after the loss of Josiah, and now we're at another pregnancy- this pregnancy is not by chance, or by random selection... this pregnancy is a blessing, this pregnancy has been set in motion and is being brought up through and by God. The loss devastated us, but through our loss we have found a deeper, and greater relationship with the Lord... and in the realm "of everything"... knowing and having a relationship with God is "everything." In the past few months God has been working from behind the scenes and has been doing incredible feats. If you only knew half of the stuff that I know.... (and yet soon you will) I guarantee it will not be long and you will know. I've promised God that I will bring all the praise to Him, and that I will tell this story...a story about the awesome transformational power and Grace of God.

Since hearing about the pregnancy we have celebrated two other pregnancies from fellow friends. In hearing the news of these new arrivals, I can't help but get excited for the future. I look forward to seeing my own child, holding my own flesh and blood in my arms. Since hearing about the pregnancy we (Tina and I) have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions.

I guess after what we went through... you wonder "How are we supposed to feel?"
There seems to be a feeling of "never going back," things can never be the same. We only knew disappointment back then, we didn't have the same experience as others have. We suffered in what was supposed to the greatest moment of our lives. What for many describes a moment of celebration and excitement- we were no doubt filled with mixed feelings of anxiety, sorrow and worry.

I said we were.

Tina and I believe. We believe in the power of God. We believe that this pregnancy is not without reason and that we will see this child in the flesh. This baby will be held by their Dad, and comforted by their mother. We will not suffer loss again because we believe and our entire Faith is on the line. I will not pretend to know the depths of God, God is filled with so much mystery. But I do know a few things... I know that God is Just, that God is love, that God is kind, and good, and powerful, and true, and able, and our Child's life-line.

We can trust God. We can put all of our Faith on the line.
Bad things happen and have happened. Not this time though, not this time.

Our God, our Jesus... Our Jesus is solid, is life, is love and deserves our total belief and Faith.

It's all on the line, I will give it all the way for this child, I will be willing and able. Yet God has me covered, God has us covered through his son Jesus.

You see there is power in words. There is power in what we say, what we type and what we believe. God brought us to repentance, God restored Tina's blood work, God restored Tina's cycle, God brought us a church and family within that church. God brought about this pregnancy, and he will keep this baby strong, and growing.

We believe.

Sometimes I wonder why things come easy for some... and yet this doesn't mean I have anything against those that have things easier. It's just I wonder... I wonder why we had to go through the trauma, the panic and the fear that we went through. It's in this theodicy- this believe that things go wrong, and that in what remains unexplainable... God allows it to happen that man, woman and child must have Faith and endure.

I did not become a Christian because I believed that everything would be easy- I became a Christian because when God approached me- I had no other choice.

This pregnancy will succeed because God is with us. This pregnancy will endure because our Faith is not our own, but it is Christ's Faith within us. There is no room or root for any other spirit to take place, for as Christians we live with an understanding that our prayers matter, that our words can change things when we bring them before God and that as children of the Father we have an inheritance. We can be bold, we can live in abundance because God is with us.

I'm not sure if this writing truly vocalizes what I'm feeling or gives enough praise to what God is doing... but it's something.

I am truly blessed, Tina and I are truly blessed and we have so much to look forward to with this child. We have so many amazing people praying for us, and we're deeply thankful. We will never stop giving God the praise, and we know and understand that our words carry weight, power and potential. Thank you Jesus, we pray for complete, and total health for this pregnancy through the Holy Spirit and in the powerful name of Jesus of Nazareth. Amen.

- Until next time,
May Peace be with You,
Lance

We are having a Baby

Young Theology (Being young and Christian in an increasingly secular land)

I hope to make better use of this blog as time goes on... that I'll potentially look to post shorter but more frequent posts from here on out. I also would like these posts to be read from a position of what it means to be a young Christian in an increasingly skeptical culture. Hopefully I will be able to write consistently and through daily progress of scripture reading, prayer, meditation, studies and life practice I will be able to connect my Faith with my living reality more appropriately and that it will be seen here on this blog. I want these few things to be known.

1. I believe in the power, the love, and justice of God

2. I believe that time is going somewhere, that it has meaning and potential.

3. I believe in the fall of man. I believe in Adam and I believe that Christ was the last Adam.

4. I believe in Jesus of Nazareth and the accounts of his life, and his dying on the cross and resurrection from the grave.

4. I believe that this has great implications for who we are today, and tomorrow.

5. I believe that we are designed intricately with purpose, and capable of cultivating the ground of all life area's. I believe that the Bible is Gods truth and word and that it is filled with stories, histories, poetry and prophecy, determined love and powerful tragedies.

6. I believe that the Holy Spirit does miracles and that supernatural wonders do not serve to achieve greater Faith but to point us towards the source of greater Faith.

7. I believe that religion is a tough pill to swallow and that we must begin to work within Christs plan and not mans plan.

8. I completely believe in the mystery of God, I believe that I do not have to have all the answers and I'm completely okay with the paradox of a omnipotent, omnipresent sovereign God and the free will of man. I'm okay with the mystery and I love learning, engaging, living and risking my everyday for the Gospel message.

Enough for the intro.

Tina is pregnant! We have been praising God since last Friday night when we first found out, this is of course on the heels of months and months of praying, and waiting and seeking Gods will. This has been a tough nine months for us, we have certainly been in a moment of growth and have been determined to justify the loss of Josiah. Through all of us this we remained confident in the power of God, and that God would craft another child in Tina's womb soon enough... of course when this finally happened, it was a moment of mixed emotions. You start to think about the first pregnancy, you start thinking about the potential of "moving on" and of course this is exactly what we wanted... but its tough because this is real life, not just concepts or a thought process you go through- but real life that is felt, stressed over, and celebrated.

So we're thrilled, and whereas I can not write too long... I will say this. God is Amazing and he is the provider, healer and comforter of his children. We know that his hand is on this pregnancy and we ask for extended prayer out to all those that read this... that you to would take a moment of prayer for us. There is power in prayer, and we believe that our God, our Jesus can and will sustain and strengthen this pregnancy. I want to thank everyone who has prayed for us, for those that have been there for us in the past 9 months... Thank you so very much. Please stay with us through the next 9 months as well!

We're having a baby!! The parenting progress begins!! Thank you God, to you all the Praise!

Please pray this simple prayer along with us

Father God we come before you as your children.

Lord we know you to be the author of life and that all things were made by your divine hands.

Father God we ask that you will keep, and protect this child... that Father God you will support the body that feeds this child and that this baby will grow strong each and every day.

Father God we seek through the Holy Spirit divine healing associated with a strong pregnancy. Through the Holy Spirit we speak continued life into this pregnancy. We claim through the Holy Spirit in the name of Jesus- complete blood flow from mother to child, we claim complete nutrient intake, complete and full organ growth and bodily health. We claim a strong heart and a strong spirit.

Father God we command in the precious and powerful name of Jesus of Nazareth for any spirits of confliction, of despair, of illness, of anxiety, of defeat, and or death to leave this household... for these spirits have no power or footing in the presence of God and his redeemed creation.

Father we look to you for support, for love and for courage over these next 9 months. Grant us the ability to see things in a positive light, to know you better and to speak life into not just this particular event but into the lives of those around us and into the world.

In Jesus name we pray.

Amen.

God is Good

I have a lot to say… but my wife says it best currently.
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