Die and Live

The last few days have been really solid. Well probably better than the expression "solid"

School is down to 3 classes left til the summer- tonight, Tuesday and Thursday and the work is piling up! I'm very excited for the spring and summer and all of the opportunities coming up! I guess I will take a minute or two to review the past couple days...

Monday was Monday... (was Monday the last day I wrote a blog?... hmm too lazy to look)

Tuesday I was off of work, and Tina and I went to our first meeting with our mid-wife. The experience was incredible- everytime I think about this pregnancy and about being a Daddy... I feel things come alive inside. The excitement, anticipation and just the indescribable potential of this little life that God has blessed Tina and I with is beyond words. The very fact that God would see me as a Father and would bless us as He has... is just incredible and for the most part words truly can not describe how I'm feeling. It is with some things in life that words can not express the depths of emotion- and even for myself... this is one of the moments.

Sometimes its best to say things with less. (which I'm working on)

I look at these appointments as mini vacations where we get to go and see and hear about the greatest achievement that Tina and I have created together. I can't wait for the heartbeat, I can't wait to know boy or girl... I just can't wait.

I can't wait to play with this child.
To love on this child.
To teach and show this child Jesus.
To hear from this child about his or her relationship with God (for he or she knew God before he or she knew us)
To answer the tough questions.
To just be there... and to be "there" with him or her.

Again really at a loss for words.

Tuesday night came... and class was excellent- I have thoroughly enjoyed this course... even if it has felt short. I missed a class because I was not feeling good, and then the professor cancelled a class- so in an 8 week course- 6 weeks feels incredibly short.

The professor which I have quite a bit in common with told me at the end of class that he really enjoyed my writing style. He went onto say some very encouraging things about my writing... So that was really encouraging and he essentially left with saying "for whatever that's worth- just keep on writing... you are onto something good there" It meant a lot to hear this, because I'm typically very tough on myself and although I've heard encouragement before- to hear it from a professor and not to mention a professor that's releasing a book of his own this summer... well it felt pretty good!

(end of my rant)

Wednesday came... and I met with Pastor Dave for our weekly coffee break. To know that he really enjoys spending a couple hours each week with me- and that he views it as "something really good" excites me (how many times am I going to be excited here...lol) but really I also enjoy our conversations. Yesterday he essentially put a couple different projects in my head for this summer, and these couple things could definately lead to future ministry potential. Which being that I'm very passionate and ready to move into whatever God is calling on me for- well lets just say it's becoming increasingly difficult to stay focused at work. My mind is wrapped around so many different things right now, and with everything Tina and I went through last year- this year is shaping up to be truly blessed and (I believe) be a break through year for a variety of things in our marriage. Our first child, job opportunities, and moving into my last year of schooling til I receive my bachelors.

I've been thinking (and have mentioned this for sometime...lol) about writing a book. Now I'm not thinking anything of a "published" nature-but just something this summer that I write for my own sake. Something that just shows that I can stay disciplined to putting together a book- not a 300 page novel by any means. I'm just going to outline a project and write chapter by chapter without looking back. I'm very much a believer in 24/7 Christianity... and I want to write for the young adult, the struggling teen and the burned out forty-something yr. old Christian. Hopefully taking the basics of Faith and bringing them into todays context. What does it look like to pray without repetition? What does it mean to worship beyond a four-walled church, while at work, at home, in the car? I want to challenge the precepts of consumor Christianity. My true aspirations fall on cultivating and encouraging a world-view amongst youth, and about fostering a Faith with Christ that is beyond exterior motives but internal change. How do you challenge the world and the systems that are in place with our teens, with our college students? How do you tap into a world where everyday kids are met with who do you hang with, what do you wear, who have you slept with, what things are you taking?

These thoughts are encouraging to me- and the best part yet... I'm still seeking the answers and it would be my hope that I eventually figure this out alongside others who are just as passionate.

I'm ready to be a Daddy. I'm always working on being a better husband. I desperately want to get into ministry, into my sweet spot where I can exercise my God-given gifts. My day to day is built around a lot of other individuals motives, and the bulk of work is centered around superficial relationships- humans are relational creatures and when you become aware of this and you realize the system that you have been sold into... well it should cause you as a Christian to exclaim "I've already been bought and paid in full for by Jesus so please take your system away from me"

- This means something... this can shake the foundations of man-made systems and I'm ready for the quake.

So that's that. Not a lot left to say (well I would if I could but school is calling me...ugh)

- Peace be with You.

Lance