Rants and Rumblings.

It has been a little while... I've had a rough transition with being able to accommodate time for blogging and time for everything else in my life. Although just like spending time in scripture, time with my wife and time in prayer I ultimately believe that this medium of blogging is central to my own spiritual development and well... just plain sanity. lol

So here's the deal... I'm going to spend very little time on grammar and punctuation, etc. The goal is to just write, post and share... hopefully responses will follow but honestly I'm pretty well aware that I've lost some readership since I moved from myspace to blogger. (which I may or may not post this on myspace which in turn might confuse you quite a bit...lol)

Life has been good and busy, there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day for everything that I would like to accomplish. Judah has been the main story of my life for well... 6+ months and will continue to be a significant story in my life for many, many years to come. He is growing, growing, growing and so of course Tina is also growing. lol I can't wait to meet this little guy, he has had such an influence on me already. I praise and Thank God everyday for this little miracle, I just want to prepare an incredible home for him to be born into. (which of course is taking up a large portion of my time right now...lol)

House shopping stinks, lol No it's not the shopping part as much as it is this the government programs that are "designed" to help but really leave you handcuffed for the most part. Some people make buying a house look so easy, but if you are the one actually buying it with your own saved up money and under your own name... well it's not as easy. Especially as a young college student that is married and with a child on the way. Although I do know that God has a plan for us, and that He will provide the perfect little home for Tina, Judah and myself.

School has been hot and heavy, I believe that I took on a load a little too large for this semester. It's really about the depth of these classes that has me a little worried, a lot of reading, a lot of heavy, heavy writing work. etc. (can I type heavy one more time?... wait I just did) I'm sure I'll get through it, it's just one day at a time.

SoulQuest youth has been great this summer but there has to be some significant changes in the way we operate, the way we teach and ultimately disciple to them. My worries over wanting to be relate able to them, wanting to make things fun for them has been answered with the lock-in behind us. The Lock-in served as a great way for me to become better associated with them, to become more relate able to them (this helps when I'm hiding in a sweaty boiler room with one of their feet in my face and the smell of pizza on another's breath fogging up my glasses... which are now bent by the way) There has to be better teaching going on, a stronger sense of urgency to disciple and the opportunity for community to take place. This fall will take a lot of what we learned this past summer and will hopefully challenge us to change things for the better. Personally I have a lot of little hurdles to get over... such as my ability to speak in front of others, to be able to make eye contact, and to talk with absolute sincerity and without constraint. It's not that I'm shy, or lack a certain sense of confidence... I guess I have always had certain bad habits since I was young, this may or may not have stemmed from when I was younger and had a speech impediment which at times resulted in getting made fun of. When my nerves hit, my adrenaline races through my veins, I grow weary of messing up my sentences, my hands shake, my head lowers... and yet I know that God has given me a gift of preaching, teaching and holding conversation with others about the Gospel. So it's an issue I have to pray for and actively battle through. With time my preaching will get better, my teaching will get better and the presentation of it all will become more solid. I'm fully confident in that... just like anything it will take a little bit of time and patience.

What else... hmm. Reading a lot of good books right now- mostly for school, one for sheer joy (Tribes by Seth Godin) I'm still wanting to write a set of children's books in the near future, and I'm always battling with eventually getting the opportunity to put together a video blog.

We'll see... only time will tell.

I love you all, and I hope all is well. Be in His love and Go in Peace.
- Lance

To Need and to Inspire.

Inspired.

I can't write long... need to enjoy the outdoors a little bit before I head off to work. I'm not a huge fan of working short shifts late into the day. I mean what is a 4:30 to close shift?

Vacation went well, it of course went by quickly. I didn't get as much accomplished as I would have liked but I did find some rest during these past 10 days. Seen a few good movies, played through a game that I have been attempting to play through since I bought it in January. I also started pondering more about youth group, about church and about school. I'll make this as short as possible...

How many people even read this any longer? Just wondering.

I feel like I'm taking time to write something that makes little to no impact on any one persons life. This isn't a cry out for self recognition as much as it is attempting to figure out moving forward what might be worthwhile doing with my time. I've come to the conclusion that I need to find some other financial means to supplying my family (Tina and Judah). I have to work in a field where I love what I'm doing, where I care about progress and I'm passionate because well... I'm truly passionate and I can't fake passion for other things any longer. God is constantly giving me idea's that if I were to just spend adequate time cultivating them... well perhaps I would be in a better position financially.

I have also been thinking a lot about youth group... we can't go forward doing some sort of set routine. I'm a huge believer in knowing and believing in the obliteration of the separation of sacred and secular. This has to find it's way into the youth group... I don't want to do "Churchianity any longer" We're not to be a church but an organization, we're to push the envelope and actually be a living, breathing organism that changes with the Spirit and moves into action while reclaiming the creation.

Ugh. I have so much going on in my head right now... I need to get in touch with some old friends it's time to move forward and I need to keep my eyes peeled and ears open for those that I come across that I should recruit for the Kingdom.

-Perhaps these ramblings make little sense, I honestly wrote this in the midst of pure ecstasy and utter anxiety.
- Lance

Quick update...

Vacation went by real quick, not looking forward to heading back to work. I wish I could feel different about it.

Didn't do as much as writing as I would have liked, I forgot all of my study materials that I was supposed to take with me up north this past weekend... so the car ride was a wasted opportunity for catching up on books, writing, etc.

Contemplating becoming a farmer.

I've been a bit depressed here and there...

Wrestling with moving forward with writing a book, not sure about when and where and how it will become a book but I occasionally feel passionate about it.

Discouraged about having to miss church now 2 weekends in a row and I believe I'm going to have to work this coming Sunday. Which means 3 weekends!

Tina has been doing well and Judah has been growing bigger and bigger!!

Been also wrestling with possibly maintaining two separate blogs. One that is everyday ramblings that are quick blurbs etc and the other will be more in depth (well pretty much this page here...lol)

That's it for now... finally after 6 months of sitting on a copy of it I've been playing through Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots and it's been great!