Our finger tips wrestle with worry and reaching.
What if you had one conversation left? What would it be about? How would it go and who might it be with?
How do you feel about endings? Are you as excited for endings as beginnings? I have had so much on my mind as of late and I wish I could just find the right words to describe how I have been feeling and what I have been thinking about. I’ve been thinking about the pain of others a lot lately, about the world and the messed up condition of it all. I have been thinking about my own family and the issues going on all around me.
How it can be so incredible to feel such a great wave of emotions ranging from jubilant to confusion. I’ve never been so blessed in my life as I am right here and right now knowing that Judah is well on his way. I’m full of joy and love for this little guy and I just pray that I will be able to offer him everything that he and Tina both deserve.
On the other side I’m dealing with issues in my family, and what I perceive to be the hopelessness that they have right now. Some have put their trust in their jobs, they have put their trust in their health, their homes, their families, their stuff, their idea’s and their logic. As we stare down into an abyss of perceived hopelessness, while our man-made structures breakdown and fall apart before our eyes.
When I know and have heard about those that I love so dearly who have had such a hard time loving themselves. About those around me who have gone about hurting themselves- my life is one that seeks to reach the lost and to love on the hopeless and yet there are some who are incredibly close to me who cut themselves and push their lives to near death. I wonder sometimes how I can express God's love to those I have just met for the first time while there are some who I have known for years that I'm unable to help or work with. All of the stuff that we deem as important, doesn't seem all that important when put against the sacredness of life and about being just one blip on a radar that will no doubt continue on for years and years well after I'm long gone. Of course who knows how it will all end, perhaps it will be in my life time or it will be generations from now. Perhaps it will be long after I'm gone but in the time of my grandchildren. It's within the framework of understanding just how much God loves us that I feel this incredible sense of urgency to go out and share that with anyone and everyone. This immediate drive propels my life into a life of meaning, and it's difficult when confronted by things that concern everyone else but that I have a hard time finding as anything of importance. It's the small stuff that everybody makes into big stuff, these small things are big because a lot of people lack any understanding of what is truly important and big in life.
As a society, as a world we have been flying upside down for so long that we have no concept of what's right side up. It's in this understanding of the fallen nature of our world that it becomes easier to recognize the outlines of failure and the frustration of the creation. I have been encouraged by the Holy Spirit recently and what's wrong has been made known to me through the Spirit. The small stuff, the trivial things that we all become so upset over during the day have become just that "trivial" and seemingly meaningless. Caring about a sales report seems futile when occupying the same area of space in my brain/heart that recognizes tonight another child will be beaten, another man will sleep on the street, another woman will give her body away, another man will cheat, another family will break, another person will be preparing for death while another takes his or her last breath. The stuff that most of us get upset about seems so small, so insignificant and really just pathetic.
Especially when we have set ourselves up to fail as we work within the framework of a system that gawks and stands impressed by it's own Godlessness.
There has been in the past few weeks an acceleration in my life for the Gospel, every word, every thought, every phrase is wrapped around Him. It's as if I can see into the heart of another and I can see that the house their living in is burning around them, and the smoke is starting to billow in. All I can do is cry out for their rescue. The immediacy in my place, this propelling motion that I have been subject to is bigger than me, is more powerful and has challenged my conventional thought process. I feel as if every conversation I have could very well be my last. When you start to recognize just how important your words could be to another, and that in some ways your first encounter could be your only encounter with somebody.
It makes you desperate. It also makes it next to impossible to put anything into words or into writing. How can I possibly corner this feeling into words? It's nearly impossible.
I often wonder why it is that we choose to spend so many hours involved in talking about things that absolutely do not matter. Why we sign up for jobs that force us to say what they want us to say to do what they would have us to do. So all the while we're screaming inside for someone to hear us but all we can offer is a repetitive sales pitch. So it's with saying this I understand that I'm at the end of a season, and I'm pretty sure I know what all this means and what will happen. Like I said previously and will continue to say I'm so incredibly blessed with this baby and being married to the most beautiful woman. Professionally I have just hit a wall, and I just don't feel that I can't afford to get upset any longer over the stuff that does not matter or will have any prolonged impact on my life.
I'm not sure anyone can understand where I'm coming from or what I'm saying. I have never felt so sure of where I'm supposed to be, and what I'm supposed to be doing and when I'm not there, when I'm not teaching, loving and sharing who He is with others. I feel like a made up cheap version of myself. I feel like an alien just waiting for his ship to land in order to take him back to the land and the people he has always loved.
It's this inner passion, this drive that both compels me and frustrates me. I'm about the will of God and wanting what He would want for me. It's in my attempts to understand just when that is that has left me so often frustrated. When, where, how... I just have to be patient and I just have to love what He has already so graciously given me.
See for those that are reading this and lack an understanding of who God is, for those that are reading this and believe all I'm talking about is religion or would say to me "I never knew you were so religious" I would say to you that this is not religion, this is reality. What I believe in is living as real, as authentic and as purpose filled as possible. To know just what all this means requires that I know Him better and so it's not that I live under some sort of imaginary tent you call religion- it's that I live in the most real-reality there is while you meddle with false realities and orchestrated dreams of men. This really isn't a put down, for how can you know that all that your potentially living for is stuff that will eventually waste away, that it will wither and fade. So I invite you. I invite all of you to share in the Story with your own stories.
It bothers me that I have those in close vicinity that share some of the same traits, one or two that share the same blood as me and they are so often without hope. I have a sister who shares her bed with death nearly every day. Her life has been riddled with drugs, with sexual promiscuity, with damaging her body, her brain, her beauty. It hurts to know that I have not been able to make a difference. That while I preach the Gospel, I have someone who I have known my entire life who is so lost, so confused and so caught up with death.
I mourn those that are not yet physically dead but who are spiritually dead.
My mother shares quite a bit of the same past, and with knowing this, with seeing who I know she wants to be and who she is capable of being- I'm in such pain over this because I believe in a fuller, more real version of life than most. I know that something went wrong in the garden but I also know that a rescue plan has been set in motion and that things do not have to be the way they are. For most of us have not repented about those things in our past that haunt us, we have not yet forgiven those that have hurt us and because of this we can not live freely in what God has for us. These hauntings, these pains have turned from mental to spiritual to manifestations in the physical body. We can not live as conquerors if we're still shackled by our past as prisoners. It's knowing that I have people so intensely close to me that I love and I have been unable to help them so far that truly wrecks me. So I pray and pray and pray...
Yet there is Hope. A Hope that is bigger, and broader than any other Hope. A real Hope that flirts with Godliness and runs gold with beauty and perfection. It is like the woman who has been bleeding for 12 years and has come into contact with Jesus- she has for 12 years sought out the healings of the Savior. She has been bleeding, she has been weakened by the loss of blood, she has been deemed unclean because of her bleeding- she is essentially a nobody in a culture that relishes in lifting up some and tearing others down. She is unable to marry because of her inability to provide children, her entire social status has been obliterated, and her identity has been nearly lost. Yet she struggles through the crowd, weak from the loss of blood, protecting her face from being seen and acting desperately with her fingertips as they seek to only reach the healing within His wings. This is how I view our culture, this is how I view my life and those that I so desperately love around me.
We just need to touch his cloak.
If this makes any sense at all... these are the sort of thoughts that have been running through my head as of late. I just feel desperate, and not just for myself but for all of you in my life. Perhaps we haven't talked in awhile, perhaps we need to, perhaps I've been distant and if I have I'm sorry. I love you all and I just want you to live in a reality so real that you can never go back to the former.
Be in His Love and Go in Peace.
- Lance
How do you feel about endings? Are you as excited for endings as beginnings? I have had so much on my mind as of late and I wish I could just find the right words to describe how I have been feeling and what I have been thinking about. I’ve been thinking about the pain of others a lot lately, about the world and the messed up condition of it all. I have been thinking about my own family and the issues going on all around me.
How it can be so incredible to feel such a great wave of emotions ranging from jubilant to confusion. I’ve never been so blessed in my life as I am right here and right now knowing that Judah is well on his way. I’m full of joy and love for this little guy and I just pray that I will be able to offer him everything that he and Tina both deserve.
On the other side I’m dealing with issues in my family, and what I perceive to be the hopelessness that they have right now. Some have put their trust in their jobs, they have put their trust in their health, their homes, their families, their stuff, their idea’s and their logic. As we stare down into an abyss of perceived hopelessness, while our man-made structures breakdown and fall apart before our eyes.
When I know and have heard about those that I love so dearly who have had such a hard time loving themselves. About those around me who have gone about hurting themselves- my life is one that seeks to reach the lost and to love on the hopeless and yet there are some who are incredibly close to me who cut themselves and push their lives to near death. I wonder sometimes how I can express God's love to those I have just met for the first time while there are some who I have known for years that I'm unable to help or work with. All of the stuff that we deem as important, doesn't seem all that important when put against the sacredness of life and about being just one blip on a radar that will no doubt continue on for years and years well after I'm long gone. Of course who knows how it will all end, perhaps it will be in my life time or it will be generations from now. Perhaps it will be long after I'm gone but in the time of my grandchildren. It's within the framework of understanding just how much God loves us that I feel this incredible sense of urgency to go out and share that with anyone and everyone. This immediate drive propels my life into a life of meaning, and it's difficult when confronted by things that concern everyone else but that I have a hard time finding as anything of importance. It's the small stuff that everybody makes into big stuff, these small things are big because a lot of people lack any understanding of what is truly important and big in life.
As a society, as a world we have been flying upside down for so long that we have no concept of what's right side up. It's in this understanding of the fallen nature of our world that it becomes easier to recognize the outlines of failure and the frustration of the creation. I have been encouraged by the Holy Spirit recently and what's wrong has been made known to me through the Spirit. The small stuff, the trivial things that we all become so upset over during the day have become just that "trivial" and seemingly meaningless. Caring about a sales report seems futile when occupying the same area of space in my brain/heart that recognizes tonight another child will be beaten, another man will sleep on the street, another woman will give her body away, another man will cheat, another family will break, another person will be preparing for death while another takes his or her last breath. The stuff that most of us get upset about seems so small, so insignificant and really just pathetic.
Especially when we have set ourselves up to fail as we work within the framework of a system that gawks and stands impressed by it's own Godlessness.
There has been in the past few weeks an acceleration in my life for the Gospel, every word, every thought, every phrase is wrapped around Him. It's as if I can see into the heart of another and I can see that the house their living in is burning around them, and the smoke is starting to billow in. All I can do is cry out for their rescue. The immediacy in my place, this propelling motion that I have been subject to is bigger than me, is more powerful and has challenged my conventional thought process. I feel as if every conversation I have could very well be my last. When you start to recognize just how important your words could be to another, and that in some ways your first encounter could be your only encounter with somebody.
It makes you desperate. It also makes it next to impossible to put anything into words or into writing. How can I possibly corner this feeling into words? It's nearly impossible.
I often wonder why it is that we choose to spend so many hours involved in talking about things that absolutely do not matter. Why we sign up for jobs that force us to say what they want us to say to do what they would have us to do. So all the while we're screaming inside for someone to hear us but all we can offer is a repetitive sales pitch. So it's with saying this I understand that I'm at the end of a season, and I'm pretty sure I know what all this means and what will happen. Like I said previously and will continue to say I'm so incredibly blessed with this baby and being married to the most beautiful woman. Professionally I have just hit a wall, and I just don't feel that I can't afford to get upset any longer over the stuff that does not matter or will have any prolonged impact on my life.
I'm not sure anyone can understand where I'm coming from or what I'm saying. I have never felt so sure of where I'm supposed to be, and what I'm supposed to be doing and when I'm not there, when I'm not teaching, loving and sharing who He is with others. I feel like a made up cheap version of myself. I feel like an alien just waiting for his ship to land in order to take him back to the land and the people he has always loved.
It's this inner passion, this drive that both compels me and frustrates me. I'm about the will of God and wanting what He would want for me. It's in my attempts to understand just when that is that has left me so often frustrated. When, where, how... I just have to be patient and I just have to love what He has already so graciously given me.
See for those that are reading this and lack an understanding of who God is, for those that are reading this and believe all I'm talking about is religion or would say to me "I never knew you were so religious" I would say to you that this is not religion, this is reality. What I believe in is living as real, as authentic and as purpose filled as possible. To know just what all this means requires that I know Him better and so it's not that I live under some sort of imaginary tent you call religion- it's that I live in the most real-reality there is while you meddle with false realities and orchestrated dreams of men. This really isn't a put down, for how can you know that all that your potentially living for is stuff that will eventually waste away, that it will wither and fade. So I invite you. I invite all of you to share in the Story with your own stories.
It bothers me that I have those in close vicinity that share some of the same traits, one or two that share the same blood as me and they are so often without hope. I have a sister who shares her bed with death nearly every day. Her life has been riddled with drugs, with sexual promiscuity, with damaging her body, her brain, her beauty. It hurts to know that I have not been able to make a difference. That while I preach the Gospel, I have someone who I have known my entire life who is so lost, so confused and so caught up with death.
I mourn those that are not yet physically dead but who are spiritually dead.
My mother shares quite a bit of the same past, and with knowing this, with seeing who I know she wants to be and who she is capable of being- I'm in such pain over this because I believe in a fuller, more real version of life than most. I know that something went wrong in the garden but I also know that a rescue plan has been set in motion and that things do not have to be the way they are. For most of us have not repented about those things in our past that haunt us, we have not yet forgiven those that have hurt us and because of this we can not live freely in what God has for us. These hauntings, these pains have turned from mental to spiritual to manifestations in the physical body. We can not live as conquerors if we're still shackled by our past as prisoners. It's knowing that I have people so intensely close to me that I love and I have been unable to help them so far that truly wrecks me. So I pray and pray and pray...
Yet there is Hope. A Hope that is bigger, and broader than any other Hope. A real Hope that flirts with Godliness and runs gold with beauty and perfection. It is like the woman who has been bleeding for 12 years and has come into contact with Jesus- she has for 12 years sought out the healings of the Savior. She has been bleeding, she has been weakened by the loss of blood, she has been deemed unclean because of her bleeding- she is essentially a nobody in a culture that relishes in lifting up some and tearing others down. She is unable to marry because of her inability to provide children, her entire social status has been obliterated, and her identity has been nearly lost. Yet she struggles through the crowd, weak from the loss of blood, protecting her face from being seen and acting desperately with her fingertips as they seek to only reach the healing within His wings. This is how I view our culture, this is how I view my life and those that I so desperately love around me.
We just need to touch his cloak.
If this makes any sense at all... these are the sort of thoughts that have been running through my head as of late. I just feel desperate, and not just for myself but for all of you in my life. Perhaps we haven't talked in awhile, perhaps we need to, perhaps I've been distant and if I have I'm sorry. I love you all and I just want you to live in a reality so real that you can never go back to the former.
Be in His Love and Go in Peace.
- Lance
posted by Lance Pearce | 2:21 PM
1 Comments:
I thank God that he gave me such an amazing husband, and I cant wait what he has in store for us. This little guy is going to be an awesome addition to our life, I just know hes going to be such an amazing person, because he has you to show him the true way. I love you.
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