Soon.

Soon. This will be better understood in a little while.

Live

Why live?

It has been over the course of the past few weeks that I have felt an increasing anointing over my own life. This anointing has begun to spill over into my day to day existence, into my church ministry and into my education. The past few days I have come across some incredible teachings and have really started to identify a new direction in my own faith life. This of course is all driven by being an expectant father and having gone through over a years worth of ups and downs. Every day is a blessing from God, and as I write this I realize that I want every word to count and every sentence to collectively give glory to God.

I'm praying that this numbing feeling in my left wrist lifts and that I'm brought into a place of healing. I have been meaning to write for a few days, writing once a month is clearly not enough and I end up with a cluster of ideas attempting to rob one another of space on here. So we'll just have to see the way that this blog goes.

Is this still “Young Theology” I mean lets be honest, over the past few entries I have had more life updates than times of wrestling with faith. Although I would mention that this may just be because its within my story that I'm living currently that all the wrestling is taking place and that it comes out in describing my life currently.

I have been tackling the teachings of many different individuals the past few days, from Ravi Zacharias to John Piper to N.T Wright to Matt Chandler and a few others. It's really been an incredibly enlightened few days. Oh and this doesn't include the teachings of current professors I'm learning under and having attended (so far) three different faith traditions (Islam, Hindu and Baha'i') Of course I've also learned through my own personal wrestling over the scriptures, through studying the generation that I'm working with in youth group and of course in seeing an ultra sound of my beautiful son and working through earlier this week the possibility that he may come earlier than expected. I've been both overjoyed and overwhelmed. It's good to be alive.

What all can I cover here? What all should I cover here? What really matters right here and right now? What needs to be talked about if this were my last conversation? I'm attempting to address life in this manner, and not in order to be grim but because the gospel requires us to live with a sense of urgency and honesty and regard for those around us who are lost and those who have been found but still get caught up in the shadows of the fall. We have a requirement to speak the truth, to live it out in love and to act with a swift hand of justice. I mentioned earlier that my own faith life has been tested and has started to grow out of differing theologies. I attempt to safeguard myself from anyone individuals “brand of teachings” attempting to sound the alarm on solid teachings from teachings that do not fit the Jesus I have come to know in the scriptures. And isn't that what it's all about? I mean it's it all about what we think about Jesus?

Isn't it about who he is? About his very identity?
I mean we can sit here all night and converse and debate about the depths of atonement, about heaven and where it will be and how it will look like, we can debate eschatology, whether the gifts are for today, tomorrow or are from a different time period all together. We can debate about resurrection, about how church should look, what worship truly means, we can debate and be divided and be apart on just about every issue and I would even say that at some point this is even healthy but except for one point:

We're best not to fight over the identity of Jesus. At least if you call yourself a Christian. It's in this argument that we can assume a new identity ourselves.

And so I get back to the question of why live?

I'll start by saying that in seeing the beautiful face of my son looking back at me through the looking glass of an ultra sound examination... I saw a glimpse of Gods handiwork and could not find the words to explain him. I wonder if ever I will be able to properly explain how I'm feeling right here and right now for my son. Then I realize just how much more of a hurdle it is to attempt to even explain the resurrection, to explain the expression of the cross, to explain the blood of Christ, to explain the God of the universe and the creation that he loves oh so much.
I wonder how and if I'll ever be able to even utter a word of preaching to anyone anywhere... I wonder this because I'm not positive if I or anyone could ever capture properly what Christ did for us.
Furthermore...
And so I would suggest right here... that perhaps the answer to why we should live is this:

Easy. Live because we do not have the right to and yet with the cross we've been given grace.
Live because we can not afford nor should we ever decide to turn away from Jesus, the one who died and was raised from the dead for us.
Live because without the cross we would just have judgment.
Live because life matters, and life matters because God has made it to matter. God has made it with purpose, God has allowed us to breathe, function, move and love one another.

And Live because we must, because we have no other choice when we realize what the cross cost God.

Narrow focus.

I haven't had a lot of time to write this week... figured I should take a few minutes this morning.

Because I'm not getting on here enough by the time I write my head is flush with a million and one ideas... and its difficult to decipher between what I want to write and what I should write about. So I guess I'll attempt to take a stab at things...

I've been on vacation this week, and it's going by very quickly. Things started a little on edge though with having to go to the hospital on Sunday evening. Tina thought that she might had been leaking ambiotic fluid and so we went into the hospital to get things looked at. What we thought should had been a 30 minute issue became something that lasted from 6pm to nearly 10. She was hooked up to all sorts of monitors, an IV and a doppler was attached to Judah the entire time. To say the least everything was fairly nerve wrecking... this was of course capped off by the news we received. First, you are not leaking ambiotic fluid. Second, you have been showing contractions that are labor contractions. Which of course took both of us by surprise as Tina was only 32 1/2 weeks. They said they wanted to take another test, and that this test would be able to test positively if it were possible for her to go into early labor. If it tested negatively then there is literally a zero chance of going before full-term if she tested positively though there would be a good chance (about 30%) that she would deliver in the next week or two.

The Doctor came back and told us that the test showed a positive result. But that Tina's cervix was still long and closed and didn't show any signs of early labor. So he gave us one of two options, either one being that we can take steroids right away that would help develop Judah's lungs in case he came early or just continue to monitor the situation as time progressed and then if and when he came early we could take the steroid shots. We opted for the latter and went home. The last few days have been up and down affairs as we have closely monitored Tina's progress, I would suggest that things have been peaceful at times and wildly stressful as well. It's already Wednesday and things have felt like a blur. Today I meet with Pastor Dave in the AM and then tonight we have youth group. Thursday presents the start of a new class, Friday is an appointment with the mid-wife followed by Saturday which is the baby shower.

I could write for hours on a variety of topics, and perhaps I'll write a little later on some of these subjects. But I guess I just felt that what I wrote above was the most immediate and overwhelming situation at the time and I wanted to mention it here. I would just ask those that read these blogs... please if you can, take the time to pray for Tina, Judah and I. We believe that Judah will wait to come for at least another 3 weeks. 3 weeks would bring him to "full-term" status and would alleviate a lot of the issues that typically come with having a baby prior to full-term. If you know us at all then you know that we believe very much in a natural pregnancy, and this is really at the heart of my wife who has been going this whole time without extra testing and through natural means. This has been a pretty big issue as we only want to do what's best for Judah ultimately. So please if your willing and able I would appreciate a prayer regarding a healthy, strong, vital little baby, and peace, joy, wisdom and patience over his parents.

Thank you and God Bless.
- Lance

Experience

I have so much to cover... hang in there with me.

It's been a great couple of days. Had yesterday off of work for a school function... actually I should start this blog with what happened 2 days ago.

Thursday I worked and afterward when to school... was able to take part in a really nice banquet that honored NCAA college coach Don Meyer. The conversation that he presented was really good, I love hearing from older individuals who house so much knowledge and wisdom and share it. I so badly want more time for reading, taking in information and just being able to spend time in prayer and with Tina. Hopefully soon...

Friday like I mentioned previously i had off of work... I went to another school function this time it was a field trip to a Mosque in Rochester. It was a unique experience which I hope to post my report on the trip in the future here on blogger.com. I think it truly helps to flesh out a view of a particular culture, people group or in this case religious identity by going into that arena of thought and taking in their surroundings and their position of faith/understanding. I think in the Western world we definitely have an overly negative view on Islam. Now for the sake of an argument here... I'm unapologetically Christian but I can at the least see and respect the actions/thoughts/beliefs of other individuals. The fact of the matter is... when you look past the theological implications and differences between people... well you see people. This makes quite a difference, when you actually shake the hand of someone who theologically you would bump heads with but at the present time your sitting next to them eating lunch. I sometimes think of the innocence of birth, and how all these babies are born in and around each other at a hospital and how they will all go on to take on different lives, different faiths, different families, different careers, etc... and they may ultimately find one another as enemies at some point. Yet at this point... at the point of birth they know nothing but the air there breathing, the skin of those who touch them and the beating of their own heart. Pretty amazing.

Got side-tracked for a second...

Well to go into what I did today...

Today Tina and I went to birthing classes. We had a great time, honestly we did. It feels so good to just spend time with my wife and my baby. To spend the whole day with them and to not be rushed to and from anywhere. What a relief.

I've been feel a sense of anxiety lately, and almost like a madness coming over me. It's the pressure and rigours of pressing forward and onward day in and day out. I don't think anyone can truly understand the busyness of my schedule and I know that I say this a lot or even complain about it a lot. Yet I mean it... you can only go off of 5 hours of sleep every night for so long. Not getting enough sleep can make you a very irritable individual... trust me I know.

I mean I just want to simplify things a bit. Not make things simplistic but to make them simplified (these two things are different)

I want to spend time with my wife, with my baby and with a career I love.
Simple.

Work has been getting increasingly complicated. Demands are lifting, things are speeding up rapidly, time is getting tighter... just really suffocating. I never feel like I can do enough or do it well enough or that anybody truly cares. Yes I know I CHOOSE TO GO TO SCHOOL... but at the same time shouldn't I be commended for this (just a tad)? I mean I'm trying to make myself better... this is the difference of looking at individual's as employees rather than human beings. If you look at someone as a human being and know that they are going to school but still give you quite a bit of their time and they work hard... well you should be pleased to have them. Not make scheduling issues a hurdle to jump over constantly (only adding to my anxiety, frustration, etc) which they just can't seem to understand what it's like to be going from one place to another and having a schedule that is bumper to bumper.

I know, I know... other people have families, and lives, and hobbies, etc. I get it... but all I know is what I know. I pump over 40+ hours into school (easily) and I pump 33-35 hours into work. It gets to be difficult over time and my sanity becomes questionable. With needing (and more importantly WANTING) to take off time in the future for when the baby comes it seems like it's being treated as a huge ordeal. Honestly wouldn't you think that as a company you would want to help out those that have dedicated the past 9 years with loyal service? Just a thought...
I also shouldn't have my job security thrown up in my face.

Anyway.. I just really want to change somethings up in my life. I'm not willing to miss my child during the early years of his life, I also know that I need to take better care of myself and I NEED to be doing something that I love with my life. Life is too short to spend it being so busy that days feel like whiplash rather than opportunities to engage others in love and fellowship. I just need things to be more simple... I just want to spend time with my wife, my son and in a place of passion that allows me to be the best that I can possibly be. (and no not in the army)

Is this too much to ask?

A few last points before I leave this blog (and don't come back for another month! lol) I'm backing down on school going into next spring... I have to do something to get control of my life. I've been running too hard, too fast for too long. I'm irritable with too many people and I'm not the kind of person that I know God created me to be. I want to have time for Bible studies, for working more at the church, for being able to sit down and have coffee with old friends (in order to just see how "they're doing")

I'm eager to start writing in the near future... I just need to write some sort of short book just so I know that I can. My theology is constantly developing and as of recently I have felt this increased anointing come over me as I have moved from a place of intellectual wrestling to a life of grace, love and mercy. This step has been a difficult one for me... as the bulk of my Christian faith has always been tied around intellect, and my own understanding of things. Thank God for the Gospel of John! That Gospel more than any other gospel expresses the need to believe in order to understand which is counter to the way the world does things (you must understand to believe) I also have been so humbled by the power of God, and what He has done with this pregnancy and with our lives in general. He is so truly awesome and beautiful.


When I write a book... (and it will be soon)

I'm thinking about doing one of the following...

either writing a book on the distance we find between the world of academia (more or less Bible school) and the world of relationships/evangelism/etc and how we can merge those two together. Intellectual reason meets emotional belief.

The other book I have thought about writing is a personal memoir dealing with the loss that Tina and I occurred last year...moving towards Judah being born this December! I'm incredibly excited for this book because it's really going to touch base with a certain degree of emotion mixed with my own theology and worldview. It's going to take my faith and my experience and my brutal honesty about the whole situation to a new level. I have never seen a book on the market dealing with A. a man's perspective of losing a baby B. A book like this based out of a Biblical worldview C. A memoir depicting God rescuing a marriage out of a loss and into the opportunity for a new hope in a little baby boy.

So that's that.

I also desperately want to expand youth group, make a greater impact online, put together a young adults program and really gain some ground on the surrounding colleges by evangelism. I'd like to continue building up my theology through books by those that I love reading, studying. Instead of reading books from individuals who I do not care for (scholastically) and having to spend hours writing papers about!

Well that's it for now... I'm incredibly excited for Judah. I praise God each and every day for the amazing blessing he has given Tina and I.
- Lance